If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
