5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
