I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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