new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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