I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
