So drunk, too bad you don't want this
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
This is classic penis vs brain.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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