Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
