Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
My liver just had a heart attack.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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