I wish my penis had an off switch
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
