I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
