You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Send help, water and tortillas.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
