Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
My vagina just recognized that song.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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