loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
