He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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