Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
third nipple confirmed
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
