we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
