i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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