My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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