So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I FOUND THE LEGS
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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