New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Drake has all the answers
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
