maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
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