guys are not supposed to queef...right?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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