You can't special order awesome
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
