my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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