Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
