When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Come share oat with me in your robe
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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