He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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