She is in my trunk
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
