the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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