It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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