Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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