Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
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I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
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We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
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