the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
