We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize