I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
