Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
