I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
