I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
