The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
