I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
