wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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