y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
No subtext here. People are naked.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
