: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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