i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
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To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
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I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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