i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
