I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
