So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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