Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
