Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
My balls are so social today.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
