I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
