Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
