there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Nobody cheats on THIS.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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