ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
