Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize
