Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
