it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
