Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize