Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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