I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
