Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
