have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
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