this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
