Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
