with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
