let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
