If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
