Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Randomize