Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize