i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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