I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
