Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
