Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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